Carrie: Birches Gettin’ Slapped Left and Right


In honor of Halloween PA Hillary and I sat down to watch the original Carrie. We were looking for a retro thriller…what we got was a lesson in bitch slapping, pube wearing and blow jobbing.

Lesson 1:

Carrie 2

When in doubt, slap a bitch.  I don’t know how many times people get slapped in this movie but it feels like one million.  A gym teacher slaps Carrie when she’s freaking out in the shower, and later on, one of Carrie’s tormentors.  Said tormentor also gets slapped by her boyfriend, played by John Travolta.  She then proceeds to give him…

Lesson 2:


…a blowjob.  In a car that he’s driving while drinking PBR.  Again, after he slaps her TWICE.  As she’s blowing him she proceeds to say over and over again “Billy…Billy…oh Billy…”  I don’t know about you but when I have a mouth full of D the last thing I can do is say someone’s name over and over again in a really clear way.  Wtf.  Everything about this scene is wrong.

Lesson 3:


There is no end to the amount of period blood and teenage bush that you could show in the 70s.  “The more, the merrier” is probably what the director was thinking when he put together the beginning of this movie.  The first ten minutes of Carrie consists of approximately all the pubic hair that existed in 1976, along with an extended scene showing the ostensibly repressed Carrie sensuously cleaning her body.

There’s so much more but I don’t want to ruin it all.  I haven’t seen the new Carrie but I have a feeling that it can’t compare to the original.  I mean, how much bush could there be?  Some?  Not ALL THE BUSH, like there was in the 70s version.  That’s all I know.

Check out the orig Carrie on Netflix, and catch the new Carrie in theaters now.