Awful, Terrible Nature: Cicadas and Snakehead Fish

cicadas snakehead fish.jpg

Hundreds of Cicadas covering a tree, via WJLA, and the Snakehead Fish, via

I remember a horrifying year in high school when the cicadas decided to terrorize our lives in the sleepy town of Summit, NJ.  One day life was fine, la di da, and then before we knew it, thousands of large winged bugs were waking from their 17 year slumber and crawling all over our sidewalks, trees, and anything else they could get into.  The entire school stopped eating lunch outside and sat mournfully in the cafeteria, staring out at the hundreds of cicada carcasses littering the sidewalks where we would usually sit.

This was the first time that nature ruined my life a little.  All my friends from high school remember that dark time with a shudder.  Well guess what everyone?  The cicadas are BACK. 17 years later, those little gross jerks are here to skeeve us out once again.

via Radiolab

via Radiolab

Yep, that’s a cicada, emerging from it’s little hidey hole in the ground.  Apparently not only do they make a loud buzzing noise, they also emerge from the ground ass first…as if their existence was not a big enough f*ck you to begin with!

Another species of gross out animal (fish, insect, whatever all the same to me) is the Snakehead Fish.  The Snakehead Fish was reportedly illegally introduced into the US ecosystem in 2002.  They are such an invasive and aggressive species that they pretty much ruin every pond and lake they can wiggle on over to, and have been to known to withstand electrocutions and poisonings by officials who are just trying to rid themselves of this messed up menace.  The worst part about the Snakehead though, is that they can live on dry land for a limited period of time.  They can literally move from one body of water to another, and will just pond hop while killing every fish in their path for fun.  I mean, I don’t know if that’s like, SCIENCE, but that’s pretty much what I figure is the deal.

via WNYC

American Hero Noel Rodriguez fishing for Snakehead Fish in Central Park, via WNYC

Now, the Snakehead has made it to Central Park.  IN NEW YORK.  WHERE I AM.  Sure, maybe a shady fish dealer brought them here.  Or maybe they hopped their little asses over here, making their way up the east coast, looking for some delicious NY ankles to chomp on.  They have teeth!  You guys omg.  I am terrified.

So everyone, join me and gird your loins (lest the Snakeheads try to bite them) and stopper your ears (to block out the evil wails of the 17 year Cicada).  We can survive all these horrors…together.