Stream of Consciousness Recap is a feature where we tell you about a hilarious book or movie as if we were in a bar and you, dear reader, asked “Wait, what is that book about?” and then we blabbed on for a half hour. There will be ultimate spoilers so read on with caution and enjoy!
In the last recap, we ended with Wendy looking at pictures, wondering if she really was a troll and a changeling. The fact that she is even considering these options when some random hot dude just crawled into her window in the middle of the night and told her with no facts to back it all up is of course preposterous but you know, suspension of disbelief, etc etc.
Wendy goes back to school, and tries to look extra pretty so that she can talk to Finn and ask questions and flirt, but he never shows up. Wendy is bummed…I thought I was special, she thinks? Wasn’t he going to take me to some magical far away land where I would hang with other trolls and stuff?
Wendy decides to take things into her own hands and get some answers, so she asks Matt to take her to go see their mother in the insane asylum. Matt is all, no way, she sucks, she tried to kill you! Wendy uses her magical persuasion on him and he is like “Duh ok” and they go.
At the asylum, Wendy asks Evil Mom Kim why she tried to kill her. Kim says, all matter of fact like, “Cause you’re a changeling”. Wendy is silently freaking the f**k out but decides to play it cool. “A…changeling? What’s that?” Kim says in what I imagine is a really bitchy DUH voice, “Someone took my baby boy. And put you. In his. PLACE.” Then she starts freaking out about how Wendy is a monster and how she turned Matt against her. Wendy is bummed.
Soon after Wendy is up super early and thinks she sees Creepy Finn loitering outside of her house. She climbs out the window and grabs a tree branch and jumps down to the ground, like she’s seen Finn do (so smart). Instead of Finn though, it’s really two BAD trolls, who wear leather raincoats like in The Matrix. They start beating Wendy up and trying to take her, but then tada tadaaaa, Finn shows up. They’re all “Oh no, it’s FINN” and he sends them running scared. Turns out they are Vittra, another tribe of Trolls who try to steal changelings for themselves. Wendy is confused, why would they want me? Finn is cagey. He’s all “We have to go right now, they will come for you again and if you are with your family they will kill them like it’s nbd”. Wendy thinks this sounds right and goes with Finn without many questions. She calls her brother from Finn’s cell and is all “Don’t look for me, I’m fine and happy, have a nice life”. Matt is understandably upset but still seems like he’s in love with her in a non-sisterly way. I’m glad that he’s gone.
In the car Wendy says “Ok, so where is this place?” He tells her it’s a magical place called Förening located in glorious, exotic… Minnesota. I laugh and laugh.
They get there and Wendy meets a beautiful woman who lives in a palace. This is Queen Elora, and she is her mother. Wendy is a princess???!!! OMG I would never have guessed that she was such a special person! Elora is powerful but also kind of a bitch, and is not very warm towards Wendy. Wendy also briefly meets a person named Rhys who is her age, and is blond haired and blue eyed. She is told that he is a Mansklig, and for like, half the book she’s all “What’s that? What’s that? Someone tell me come on you guys seriously”. Wendy, get a clue, please. He is obvs the kid you were traded for!
About Wendy’s mom:
1) She makes Wendy constantly feel like crap for having no idea how to act like a Troll princess when seriously, she JUST got there.
2) Talks to other people in their minds. She is always talking to Finn this way in front of Wendy. Come on Elora, RUDE.
3) Can paint the future, and has a secret room filled with paintings. She can paint the moments but doesn’t know how they happen or when. Pretty pointless power if you ask me. There is one painting of Wendy in a fancy dress laying on a balcony with glass everywhere, crying and reaching out.
4) Elora was in love with Finn’s dad but Finn’s dad either was already married or married someone later on or something, but that’s why she keeps Finn around, because he reminds her of his dad. Wendy thinks that Elora is creepin on Finn in a cougar-y way and it definitely seems that way, what with all the secret mind chatter and stuff.
Wendy also meets a weird but cute guy named Tove who is fellow royalty and who is v v powerful, he can see auras and move things with his mind and can feel it when Wendy is upset or some crap. Finn can also feel when Wendy is upset because he is a Tracker (he tracks down changelings and brings them back for a living). There is also a girl named Willa who is a fellow changeling who was brought back the previous year. She is a bitchy cool girl but ends up being pretty nice, and can control the wind. Willa seems to think this is a bullshit power but Wendy and I both think it’s actually pretty cool.
Wendy finds out that there is a big ball in a few days, called a “Christening Ball”. Also, Tove’s mom Aurora is trying to find fault in Wendy because if Wendy is not fit to serve as queen one day, then Aurora can have her son be king or something. Wendy sucks really badly at first at being a Princess and everyone who doesn’t want to bone her is embarrassed for her. Wendy also finds out that she has to change her first name at the Christening ball and is all like, no way, I’m keeping Wendy, my brother picked it out for me. Elora argues and Finn defends Wendy, and then Elora mind talks to Finn and then Finn has to leave the castle. Wendy has only known Finn for about 6 days or something but she is head over heels in love with him and knows that she can’t live without him. There is a lot of crying and moping.
Oh, and the best part is that the reason changelings exist is this: In the past, troll babies didn’t live that long and didn’t have access to a good education, because the trolls were basically hicks. So the changelings would come back and bring back their money and know how. Now, the trolls are modern like everyone else, so even though they don’t really need to send their babies out for educational and medical purposes, they do anyway, placing them with really wealthy families so that when they come back now, they have insane trust funds that they can contribute to the troll community. Basically they give their babies up at birth so that none of them have to work, because work is boring and they are magical. SO SMART! I’m gonna have a baby right quick and then sneak it into Buckingham Palace so he can come back one day and bring me some monaaaaay.
Ok das it. So much! Until next time –