Improving on Twilight: New Breaking Dawn Poster

The first full poster to feature the cast of Twilight: Breaking Dawn has debuted and woo-hoo, is it awesome or what!

SIKE!  It’s not awesome at all, it’s totally boring!!  [WARNING: Spoilers Ahead]

For those of you who don’t know, in the first half of the book Bella and Edward get married, they do “it” (except in the book it’s a lame old fade to black), Edward bites a bunch of pillows in an attempt not to bite Bella, Bella gets pregs with a half vampire baby who is killing her from the inside out and then Edward has to use his vampire teeth to bite through the super tough vampire-y placenta.  Then Bella becomes a vampire.

It’s pretty much the most insanely stupid and amazing thing ever to be put to paper and I am SORRY SUMMIT but this poster does not do the first half of the book justice.  Why is Bella wearing a sensible shift?  Are they going to Sunday mass after they hold each other in a field?  How is it that Taylor Lautner seems to be getting taller and taller in each poster?  Edward looks like he just got home from work, loosened his tie and is waiting for Bella to bring him a cup of deer’s blood while he relaxes and watches The History Channel.

I took one look at this and knew that even a monkey with only a very basic understanding of Photoshop (in this scenario that monkey is me) could do a better job of making an awesome Breaking Dawn poster than Summit managed.  So without further ado:

Summit, heed my warning and learn from my awesomely professional poster above…the movie is called Breaking Dawn not Breaking YAWN HARRRR amirightladies?

…I’ll show myself out.