I still want to be Heather Parisi when I grow up.

My mother is from Italy, and my grandmother lived there when I was young, so when I was little I spent a lot of time there.  And, being pretty much exactly the same then, as a 5-year-old, as I am now, as a 31-year-old, I watched a lot of TV.  In particular I watched these Italian spectaculars which I think were ALWAYS on that always featured showgirls in spandex and high heels and a lot of crazy early 80s dance moves.  In extra particular I was totally enamoured of one of the featured performers: Heather Parisi.  She was hot stuff back then, with a lot of appearances on different shows.  Her big hit, which I had on a tiny record and would go totally bonkers over, was called “Cicale” (“Grasshopper,” in English).  It is literally a song about the Ants and the Grasshopper.  It is literally STILL so fantastic.  The video? Will blow your mind.  This is a song about a FABLE, people.  WITH SPANDEX.

That is not even the best video. This next one has nothing to do with fables but does feature dance moves that have everything to do with AMAZING.  It makes you wonder: Does Heather Parisi actually own any pants? Is her dance partner a man or a woman? And why was she never nominated for a Nobel Prize, since she is clearly a genius? Mysteries, all.