I Don’t Need a Chainsaw

So like, I cannot think of even ONE instance in my future in which I would need to use a chainsaw. Maybe if I were hiking and needed a walking stick super desperately? Maybe if I were camping (as if) and I needed to start a fire? (Can you even start a fire with freshly cut wood? Doesn’t it need to dry out or something?) The fact that I can’t answer those parenthetical questions off the top of my head clearly shows that I shouldn’t own a chainsaw. But, this pocket chainsaw looks so awesome! How satisfying it would be to slice through young, unsuspecting trees! Basically, I feel the same way about this pocket chainsaw that I felt about those Ginsu knives commercials from back in the day – I didn’t know why I would ever need to slice through a Coke can, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO!

If you can think of a reason for me to own this, please let me know in the comments. And if you are more outdoors-savvy (and less outdoors-sadistic) than I, you can get one of these at Amazon for under $20!