So yes, it’s two Madonna posts in a row! But we really just had to take the chance to recap that halftime show. That shit was cray. First, the 5 best parts of the show:
1. The Costumes! Within the first minute we get a flowing gold sequin floor-length cape, a badass headpiece and a roman warrior meets Egyptian vibe (Caesar <3s Cleopatra) and it just got better from there. Animal print, sparkles, gold, faux fur, leather bondage, angel/devil imagery, cheerleader outfits that weren’t even stupid looking, and sexy church robes. Everything was gorgeous, and Madonna’s quick costume changes were amazing. Whoever did all of that deserves a raise. BRAVO!
2. The Choreography! Brought to us by our favorite choreographer couple, NappyTabs, it was super fun to watch (with the exception of some awkward Madonna-looking-like-a-creepy-old-lady moves). They took advantage of the opportunity to do some cool large-scale stuff at the beginning with the Roman soldiers and the cheerleaders in Give Me All Your Luvin’ (which, despite being a song that sounds like she just crapped it out in a hurry, is stupidly catchy. Hate!). But really, Tabitha and Napoleon nailed it. <3
3. That Ginger Young Richard Simmons on That Tight Rope Thing! That was weird! And supremely dorky looking (quite a few Brendan Fraiser at the Golden Globes moments). And also it was sort of awesome.
4. Cee Lo! It seemed like he was the only one singing without a backing track. He sounded great, and his harmonizing was on point. I loved his transformation from a cheerful giant drum major into an a sparkly supreme court justice. So smiley! All around happy.
5. Madonna’s Faux Humility! That mom with the short red hair in the choir was there to remind us that Madonna is benevolent (which we needed to be reminded of after watching her splash her face all over those screens on the field for those people who might have forgotten that they were watching Madonna perform). But worry not, sshe lets regular soccer mom-looking people sing with her onstage at the Super Bowl- isn’t that nice? And also, Madonna falling through the bottom of the stage at the end – I guess this was supposed to be a nod to the fact that Madonna isn’t too cool to have a sense of humor. But it actually was pretty funny to see her disappear like a losery game show contestant or an evil witch at the end. Lulz!
Special bonus point – opening with Vogue, a song that celebrates a style of dancing created in the gay ballroom scene in Harlem the 60s. A gay anthem! At the Super Bowl!
And now for the suck of the show:
1. LMFAO – It’s a sad but true fact that it’s going to be a loooong time until we’ll be able to forget them. We’ll still be hearing that song at professional sporting events 20 years from now (sadface). However, LMFAO’s redeeming quality is that they are a joke? Or at least their outfits are. So Many kinds of animal prints and sparkles and patterns all together with their little shorty leggings. It’s funny? Also, I bet that one guy NEVER in one million years thought that Madonna would wag her vag in his face and then put it on his neck. I’m just sayin…
2. M.I.A. – She’s trying to stay relevant? Keep trying! But really though, we WANT to love M.I.A.! PA Nicole and Kat and I went to her first ever show in the US way back in February of 2005. She was so fantastic then. We don’t want her to be a lame sour puss! We want her to make good music and wear jumpsuits and be cool.
3. Madonna Looking Injured and Uncomfortable – Apparently she was recovering from a hamstring injury, which is reassuring because her moves looked a little off throughout. I mean, she definitely gets credit for being in awesome shape, but when she fell down I felt a little sad, and also I was not digging her moves during Music. I mean, lady, you’re 53 years old! You don’t have to freak EVERYTHING in sight. Also, an injured person might want to dance in sneaks or maybe even wedges. Those heels looked like they were killing her. But overall the moves were pretty sweet, even if trying a little too hard to stay young and sexy.
4. AND 5. WORLD PEACE – Thanks, Madonna, for giving us the best laugh of the eve with that one. But really, without you, we wouldn’t know that world peace was a good thing. Also, it was CRYSTAL CLEAR that world peace was the underlying message of your whole entire Super Bowl halftime show, so you don’t have to hit us over the head with it at the end. Geez, Madonna! Give us a little bit of credit.
Special minus point – Nicki Minaj being relegated to Madonna fangirl/cheerleader. But, she looked adorable, her rap was awesome, and she didn’t try to pull some lame attention-grab like M.I.A. I guess if Madonna asked us to perform at the Super Bowl, we’d probably say yes too.
The VERDICT: That was an entertaining 13 minutes! Not as perfect and awesome as Prince’s Super Bowl performance, but far more of a spectacle…in a good way.